so my boyfriend was raised to act like everything is okay, all the time.
I get it; who wants drama?
it affects the way we communicate about issues. it’s like if something bothers him or upsets him, he let’s it go very easily & can without doubt drop a conversation about feelings quickly by either changing the subject or literally saying no more talking about it.
the problem is.
going through recovery, having to fix my character defects that cause trouble and mayhem internally & externally… I continuously was taught and told to talk about my feelings, good and bad. to whomever it may concern or in my journal. whatever, get it out.
so you can see the clash here?
it’s not something that I think will break us because I know he loves me and vice versa..
however, I would like to hear some ideas, opinions, advice, facts etc. that could possibly help me out with this. thanks. :)
that old habits/ways reincarnate into your new positive life.
let’s say, if in the past you felt a huge ball of some kind of emotion/desire. you don’t know what to do with said ‘energy’, so you engage in an action which may have resulted in negative consequence(s).
now; in your (mine actually) present ‘living better,hakuna matata’ type of lifestyle…those past occurrences present themselves in different human experience. for example;
you have your days where you’re so motivated so curious so FULL of this ball of energy that you aren’t quite sure what to so with it. you can’t do drugs or drink. so you put in to something else. like maybe, dancing, singing, telling your boyfriend or girlfriend whatevs, how much you adore th SHIT out of them, drawing a fucking picture idk, happy shit.
lesson is : even though you’re living better than before, doesn’t mean every outcome is going to be your ideal version. you’re going to be clumsy, awkward, a dork sometimes; you’re you & that’s never going to change. your quirks. everything around you is in you. only difference is whether you’re going to let it be for you or against you. ;)
everyone is going to get tired of having a I don’t care attitude. someday you will care so much that the words “I don’t care” won’t even conjoin into a sentence on your tongue.
I just want my birth control so I can go have sex with my boyfriend.
I don’t need any little children running around.. not mine that is ha.
they’re playing some goo ass music though so I’m not really mad about this vicious wait. Tis all bishes.
I rarely ever get on anymore…
but for those who care I now have
one year and 1 month sober.
I also recently moved out of my moms & into my boyfriends house.
things have been really good.
for the most part.
I’m doing a lot of transitioning into a new skin; a person I’m allowing myself to be.